Top 10 "Top 10s": Worst Monickers

     As I've mentioned before, I love sports monickers, especially the really good ones.  Sometimes, though, people can get too excited and start giving athletes monickers without really thinking.  The results, you will see in the list below.


Parameters:  While I tried to limit the number of monickers per sport, it is hard since the PBA has an extraordinary amount of horrible monickers and they deserve to be mentioned.


10.  Lex Luger and British Bulldog (WWE)

     Lex Luger finally found his niche in the WWE when he bagan a patriotic All American persona who battled Yokozuna.  Following that, he was paired as a tag team with another nationalistic persona, the British BUlldog.  It was perfectly fine to introduce them individually, but the powers that be just had to name them and the result was one of the worst tag team names of all time, The Allied Powers.  Yes, that's cheese you're detecting.


9. Paul Pierce (NBA) and Brandon Vera (UFC)

     I am often bewildered by these guys' monicker.  Perhaps that's why I dislike it.  I mean, what does the monicker, "The Truth," really do?  What is the truth?  Who's lying?  The monicker doesn't strike fear into opponents' hearts; neither does it speak about their games or their abilities.  At the rate these two keep getting hurt, their monicker might end up being a punchline; something like, "The Truth hurts."


8.  Matt Wiman (UFC)

     Like I said before in my Top 10 Best Knockouts list, Wiman was really asking for it with his chosen monicker of, "Handsome."  Instantly, people will detect the (over) confidence and furthermore, it fuels their desire to destroy that face he brazenly called handsome.  When you're in a fighting sport where people wear only three ounce gloves and the use of knees and kicks are legal, do you really want to fuel an opponent's desire to bash your face in? Just ask Wiman after he met Spencer FIsher.  He'll tell you the answer.


7.  Undertaker (WWE)

     The Undertaker is bar none, my favorite professional wrestler.  Everything about him, from his athleticism to his charisma, is great, except for those few misguided years where he thought he needed a persona change.  Suddenly arriving on a big bike with an all-leather biker outfit (complete with bandanna, yikes),  'Taker became known as the, "American Badass."  Now, there is nothing wrong with the monicker itself, but coming from a most awesome persona of "the Dead Man,"  it just sounded silly.  It was personally a good day for me when 'Taker brought back his old persona and has decided to stick with it until now.

6.  Bong Hawkins (PBA)


     Another monicker that wouldn't be bad if taken by itself, "The Hawk," just sounds horrible as a monicker for former Alaska Ace Bong Hawkins.  Aside from the fact that the monicker sounded bad when pronounced together with his last name, (Try pronouncing it and you'll see what I mean.)  the monicker becomes a lasting reminder of his greatest weakness.  Hawks soar to great heights with grace.  Bong Hawkins?  Well, he can get barely get off the ground.  Dude, this couch potato can jump higher.  Seriously.

5.  Glen Davis (NBA)

     Coming from LSU like Shaquille O'Neal, Glen Davis could've easily named himself, "Baby Shaq," since he is quite a physical specimen himself.  Instead, he went and got himself known as, "Big Baby."  The name already sounds bad, like he's this spoiled, immature kid, and then he went ahead and screwed himself in the video shown above.  In what could be described as one of the great redemption tales, he found himself a new monicker, "The Ticket Stub," which almost made it to my top 10 best monickers list.


4.  Jacob Volkmann (UFC)

     Mixed Martial Arts not only features some of the best knockouts, but also some of the best monickers in sports.  Once in a while, though,  you get ones like, "Christmas," that Volkmann uses.  First of all, it's a fairly cheerful holiday, so right then there, fear is out the window.  Then, when the story behind the name is revealed it gets a lot worse.  Apparently, his friends saw that he had a striking resemblance to Jim Carrey's character, Lloyd Christmas in the movie, Dumb and Dumber; hence the monicker.  Since when did Jim Carrey strike fear in the hearts men? Snooty film critics forced to watch his movies might get freaked, but MMA fighters?  I highly doubt it.  


3.  Gabe Norwood (PBA)

     Norwood has become quite an all-around player for the Rain or Shine Elasto Painters, and with his burgeoning skills, people felt an unbridled need to give him a monicker.  That need has hatched one of the worst monickers ever.  Bearing a slight resemblance to the U.S. PResident Barack Obama, Norwood was baptized as, "Mr. President."  What does it have to do with his game?  I have no idea.  Does it sound great?  Not particularly.  Is it one of the worst of all time?  Oh yeah.

2.  Hao Ping Chang (Pool)


     In the first highly-televised World Pool Championships held in Cardiff, Wales, FIlipino Efren Reyes claimed the title, Best Player in the World."  Many of the best players in the world fell prey to Reyes' greatness, including eventual runner-up Hao Ping Chang of Taiwan.  In the finals, Hao lost by a lopsided score of 17-8.  Unfortunately for him, he lost way before the finals.  That's because the pool commentators revealed his monicker, "The Puppy."  Wow.  If you want to talk about monickers that give no fear, are not appropriate or cause self ridicule, this would have to be it.  Hao was not heard from much after his 1999 loss to Reyes.  I think he just couldn't live down his monicker.  I couldn't.
     
1.  Lamont Strothers (PBA)

     When Strothers first hit Philippine shores, the San Miguel Beermen got themselves a whirlwind of an import.  Quick and athletic, Strothers became quite an offensive juggernaut for the offense-strapped Beermen.  One time, as Strothers was dominating the opponents with a series a spin moves and drives to the basket, a basketball commentator decided it was time to give Strothers a monicker.  Turns out, that decision was a bad one, as Strothers was christened, "The Helicopter."  With monicker so bad, it had to be explained.  "He keeps scoring with his tremendous spin moves, so he (Storthers) is like a helicopter!"  Okay then.  First of all, "What??!!??"  Second of all, the helicopter doesn't do the spinning; it's the propeller.  Wouldn't that explanation mean that Strothers should be named, "The Propeller?"  Sometimes, it's just better not give the guy a monicker, and this was a good place to start.  


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