Poisonous Cocktail

     The line, "Sports and politics should not mix," has become a tired, old adage with everyone spewing it left and right.  While that may be a truth that cannot be denied, another field mixed with sports produces an even worse cocktail.


     When sports figures achieve a certain level of success and fame, the call from the movie world cannot be far behind, especially here in the Philippines.  What results is usually a poisonous cocktail, wreaking havoc on both the sporting world and the movie world.  With both these fields struggling in our country, shouldn't we ban the two from ever mixing?  If you need further evidence, take a gander at some of the culprits.

Wapakman (Manny Pacquiao and Onyok Velasco (Boxing) Benjie Paras (PBA Basketball), Krista Ranillo     

     Ring or court brilliance has absolutely no effect on making movies, as evidenced by this box office blunder.  Featuring not one, but two boxing champions, and a PBA great, the superhero movie was a super flop, gaining the least ticket sales in the 2009 Metro Manila Film Festival.  Pacquiao plays Magno, a dedicated father who, by virtue of an accident gains powers to become Wapakman.  Magno then struggles to balance his time with being a superhero and a good father to his children.  It actually features Wapakman fighting a giant crab and a villain with supersonic breasts.  Yeah, I know.  Making bad movies that earn very little seems to be a Pacman staple, but this one actually was worse, spawning a controversy with co-star Ranillo, causing his biggest spat with wife Jinkee yet.  It was probably the universe agreeing with me.



Pakners (Efren Reyes (Pool/ BIlliards), Fernando Poe, Jr.)

     The billiards "Magician" stars as naive provincial hick Manuel Dimayuga who keeps getting taken advantage of by big city con men, until he meets jeepney driver Nanding Escalante (FPJ).  They discover that they both are skilled at pool (but of course) and proceed to do damage at pool halls as an unbeatable doubles pair.  Through the tough billiards hustles and the rowdy brawls, the pair eventually succeed in winning an international billiards tournament and in winning their leading ladies' hearts.  As if the plot isn't inanely predictable at that point, the movie then features the much dreaded song and dance routine with FPJ leading the way with a Tagalog version of "High Hopes" in the closing minutes. (Check video above) Personally, the saddest thing about it is that this was FPJ's last movie, affecting the legacy of his great Panday movies.

Dobol Dribol (Alvin Patrimonio (PBA Basketball), Maricel Soriano

An unabashed rip off of the movie Switch, Patrimonio stars as a basketball player murdered after a game.  His spirit and consciousness, however, return to find his killer, this time in Maricel Soriano's  (Estefan) body.  This would've been a passable comedy right here, but then it just gets rich.  Patrimonio returns to the movie as another character, Alfred.  Alfred is a provincial hick (see a trend?), who finds himself involved in helping Estefan.  The worst part?  At the end of the movie, Estefan prays to God to just make her a "real woman," since he/she is in a woman's body.  Then, Estefan ends up with Alfred! (Check video above) If the story is confusing and absurd for you, don't worry.  It really does boggle the mind. 

     The next time another righteous sports "leader" or politician rants about politics and sports not mixing, I suggest he/she add on movies as well.  The Philippines is in bad shape already. We need to be spared poisonous cocktails like these.