Alternatives

     The times are tough.  Economic downturn, foreclosures and whatnot are making things difficult for everyone.  Now, people have been forcd to tale on second jobs just to make ends meet.  This got me thinking about star athletes and if they had to take on second jobs, which ones would they be good at?

Steve Nash (NBA/Phoenix Suns)


     Nash is a certified wizard on the basketball court and even at 36, he is still making great plays in the NBA.  It cannot be argued that the Canadian is one of history's most creative guards and this creativity is not confined to the basketball court only.  If he were forced to take on another job, independent filmmaking might be a good choice for him.  Ever the internet buff, Nash has been making fun short videos and vitamin water commercials and they are appearing everywhere from facebook to youtube.  As evidenced by the video above, he would have a shot as a filmmaker.  Of course, Martin Scorsese need not be worried.  James Cameron might though.


Roger Federer (Tennis/ATP)

     More than his historic runs in tennis (16 Grand Slam titles, over 20 straight finals and semi finals appearances), Federer's "Killer Instinct," is what astounds people.  Obviously, he possesses a tremendous mental game to allow him to be both consistent and transcendent against his opponents, despite the mounting pressure of all these younger players constantly challenging him.  This mental game, coupled with the cold, machine-like efficiency he wins with would make him a great HR Director.  With the companies downsizing, they need someone tough and efficient enough to not only decide who to let go, but also inform them of the bad news.  If there are any doubts as to the ability of the world's number 1 tennis player to break people's hearts, hopes and dreams efficiently and coldly, just ask Andy Roddick and Andy Murray... after they stop sobbing.


Tiger Woods (Golf/PGA)

     His endorsements have dwindled and he hasn't played in a while, so Tiger might have to start looking for a second job.  Well, his life has already been turned into a circus, so why not join one?  The circus could always use a juggler and Woods has clearly demonstrated he can handle that job.  If there are any doubts, just check out what he has done so far.  Since turning pro, he has handled endorsements, marriage, kids, (allegedly) affairs with 14(!) different women, all the while winning a tremendous amount of titles and being golf history's most dominant player.  That man can juggle people.  He may want to start with golf balls first before chainsaws though.


Lebron James (NBA/Cleveland Cavaliers)

     The King has repeatedly asked us to be witnesses, and all we have witnessed from him is great play, no championships and pretty bratty behavior.  So far, he has refused to shake hands, flicked a tray of gatorade into the crowd and danced goofily with teammates when blowing out opponents.  If he did need a second job, he would be perfect as a product tester of Evenflo Baby Products.  If the products work well enough that the prissy Cavalier doesn't complain or moan about it, it will be good enough for our children.  With that, Lebron would no doubt not shake my hand...


Paeng Nepomuceno (Bowling)


     The greatest amateur bowler in the history of the world continues to play (and win!) in the bowling circuit, but if he did need to look for a second job, he has shown he is ready.  The 4-time World Cup Champion showed up on ABC TV5's dancing show and not only put up a great showing, he ended up winning the contest!  Combine the win with his in-shape physique and movie star looks, he would be a great D.I. (dance instructor).  Ladies would line up to dance with him, although he should prepare himself for a visit from Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao first.

Playing Santa

     It's Christmas time again and since it's the season for giving, I made a list (a la Santa) for those who have been naughty and nice in the sporting world.  If only I had the means to actually give these gifts...

T.Y. Tang (Rain or Shine Elastopainters/PBA)


Naughty or Nice.  Nice.  T.Y. has been a consummate professional this conference, despite his uneven playing time.  Even with Coach Caloy Garcia's mood swings regarding Tang's playing time, the former Xaverian has always come ready to play.


Gift: More and regular playing time.  Given more chances, Tang will undoubtedly prove himself worthy and give the Elastopainters a steadier hand at the point position, which would give the team the more fluid offensive sets that they need.


Cleveland Cavaliers fans


Naughty or Nice: Nice.  Despite years of losing, a head coach too afraid of his star player and a star player endlessly flirting with moving to another city, Cleveland fans have never booed their home team.


Gift: A better run organization with a tougher coach and a lower maintenance superstar.  Cavs fans have been quite loyal over the years, enduring heartache after heartache.  They deserve better than an organization signing up old guys in the hopes of getting their star player to stay.  They deserve better than the inutile Mike Brown or the prissy Lebron James.

Nate Robinson (New York Knicks/NBA) 


Naughty or Nice: Naughty.  The diminutive slam dunk champ has finally frustrated Coach Mike D'Antoni with his childish behavior, lack of defense and on court antics, which include shooting at the opponent's basket as time expired in the 2nd period.


Gift: A reality check.  What team would tolerate his childish antics and give him actual playing time?

John Cena (World Wrestling Entertainment)


Naughty or Nice: Nice.  The WWE's poster boy has been ubiquitous in the wrestling squared circle, but he has also been generous with his time.  Other than entertaining US troops overseas, he has granted over 140 wishes for kids in the Make-a-Wish Foundation.


Gift: A better story line other than his current, "Never give up." storyline.  Hardcore fans need a deeper more soap opera type story line so that they can cheer for him again.

Tiger Woods (Golf/PGA)


Naughty or Nice: Naughty.  The one-time unimpeachable "nice guy" of sports has now been embroiled in quite a mess as alleged lovers are popping up everywhere, while his wife is threatening to leave him.


Gift: Private sessions with Dr. Phil for him and his wife.  Brother needs some tough love from the bald one.


Serena Williams (Tennis/WTA) 


Naughty or Nice: Naughty.  Angry with a line judge after what she perceived to be a botched call, Williams proceeded to threaten the judge with bodily harm, including an alleged death threat.


Gift: Anger Management classes from Jack Nicholson's character in "Anger Management."  Goose Fraba....  Goose Fraba....


Siot Tanquincen (San Miguel Beermen/PBA) 


Naughty or Nice: Nice.  Given a talent-laden squad filled with at least 8 All Stars, Coach Siot has managed to keep the team cohesive and they are now atop the standings in the PBA.


Gift: 15 to 20 minute quarters.  He needs more time to be able to give each of his talented players the playing time they deserve.


Jose "Peping" Cojuangco (Philippine Olympic Committee)


Naughty or Nice: Naughty.  Just to show that he is in control and no one should stop him, he convinced (or coaxed, depending who you ask) cyclist Maritess Bitbit to pull out of the South East Asian Games as a sign of protest, taking away Bitbit's chances of taking home 3 golds and almost PhP 900,000 in incentives this Christmas.


Gift: Lump of coal.  


     Do you have suggestions for christmas gifts for your favorite sports figures?  Feel free to comment!


photos courtesy of art.com and en.wikipilipinas.org

Shorts: Charms and Curses

(Beginning this week, From the Fifty Peso Seats will have a weekly edition of shorts, compilations of interesting but short posts of developments and trivia about the sporting world.)

World Cup Wonder?

     Admittedly, this year's Bowling World Cup lost its luster for me when both of history's greatest, Paeng Nepomuceno and Walter Ray Williams jr. were eliminated before the quarterfinals.  The victory of Canada's Caroline Lagrange, however, makes for interesting conjecture.  Keeping in mind that I just want to have fun, Lagrange's thrilling come-from behind win over Zara Glover of England makes her the fourth straight first time winner of the event.  What's more noteworthy, though, is that this makes it the third women's world champion in four years (2006 Diandra Asbaty, 2008 Jasmine Yeong-Nathan, 2009 Caroline Lagrange) with whom I have taken a picture with in years past.  Furthermore, the lone winner I didn't have a photo op with, 2007 Champion Ann Marie Putney, bowled in a World Cup where no woman had a photo taken with me.  Does this mean I am a lucky charm?  Just kidding. I'm no megalomaniac.  It's just nice to know there is no overwhelming evidence that I'm a jinx.  (Hear that Ateneo?  I didn't cause the championship drought in basketball in the early 2000s, ok?)  Despite this, though, if I were Clara Guerrero, next year might be a good time bowl the World Cup.  Ok ok, enough of this...

Shaq Fu

     First of all, kudos to Shaq for spending for the funeral costs of an American girl who was reportedly murdered.  Her family was struggling to find money to pay for the funeral and Shaq graciously covered all expenses.  Despite that, I have to drop the bomb on Shaq daddy.  Is Shaq a charm or a curse?  In each of his stops in his career, the superstar he leaves behind has their career years shortly after the "Big Aristotle" makes his exit.  The numbers back me up.  Kobe definitely had his best years after Shaq.  After Shaq's unceremonious exit from the Lakers at the start of the 2004-05 season, Kobe played the two best seasons of his career.  In 2005-06, he scored a career-best 35.4 points per game for the season, while in 2007-08 season, Kobe played his best season ever, netting himself the coveted Most Valuable Player Award.  Meanwhile, after bidding goodbye to Shaq in the middle of the 2007-08 season, Dwayne Wade launched career numbers in his first season P.S. (Post Shaq).  "The Flash" poured in career (and league best) 30.2 points per game, on top of 7.5 assists, 2.2 steals and 1.3 blocks per game (all career bests).  This year, with Shaq's departure from Phoenix, the entire Suns team seems to have revitalized, none more so than Steve Nash, who at 36 years ols, has shown no signs of slowing down.  Nash is currently putting up personal (and league best) 12.1 assists per game, and he is also shooting career best gield goal and free throw percentages.  If you want to make a real fine point to it, the best Canadian baller is also averaging a career-best 0.2 blocks per game. 

     Is Shaq a curse that when lifted, releases a player's best possible game or is a charm that augments a player's game?  Either way, when Shaq and Lebron inevitably part ways, look for King James to post even better numbers than before.  Scary huh?

Mysterious Lady

     When the story of how Tiger Woods finally married Jesper Parnevik's children's nanny after initially struggling to ask her out was told, everyone agreed it was quite a happy tale for the world's greatest golfer.  Recently, though, allegations of marital dispute, an illicit affair and a mysterious car accident have spurred interest in Elin Nordegren Woods.  Who is she and why did she smash Tiger's car windows?  One thing they should ask is, is she a charm or a curse to Tiger's game?  In five years before Tiger married, he won a total of 32 golf titles and in the five years he's been married, he's won a total of 25.  While injury and a new swing were said to have caused the slight dip in titles won, how do we know those weren't the results of the "Elin curse?"

     Ok guys.  These shorts were all in good fun and to take them seriously might not be good for one's mental health.  There are no such thing as luck and curses, right?  Now, if you don't mind, I have to go clean my rabbit's foot...